Trends come and go, and if you’re not “doing” it right, it could all backfire on you, and fast. A while back, an article (not mine) was published in #TheHuffingtonPost about a new parenting trend…geared for grown-ups.
Yes, parent, you. It’s called the CTFD method, aka, Calm The F*ck Down. I love this acronym. It’s parenting at it’s best, because it’s you at your best. Kids certainly know how to push our buttons, don’t they. Your success as a democratic, impartial, lead-by-example parent is going to solely depend on how you role-model, and how you conduct yourself in front of your kids. Yes, we’re human. And we also have control and choice over if we react, how we respond, and what we say and ow we say it.
I have 3 of my own, 2 of them teens, and wow, some days…Have you noticed you get all worked up for nothing over your kids’ behaviour? Yes, you do. You over-react at their behaviour. Why do we do that? Well, we’re wired to be on defence and to be reactionary because our egos rule us.
The ego is the devil in disguise because it not only drives certain positive behaviours, it protects us from the effect of others’ behaviours, and of getting hurt.
Want a more peaceful home, more compliant children, and a happier you? Want less frustration, stress and anxiety in your life? Your children are just as frustrated, unhappy, and angry because they don’t know why you may be raising your voice, yelling, or punishing. You may need to tweak your approach, so here we go…
Your children are wired not to listen. Their brains aren’t developed enough to understand reason.
Empower your children. This is your primary job. Kids don’t always understand the reasoning behind the “why”, but they understand doing it themselves. Empower them.
You’re using the wrong language. If you’re telling your kids what to do, you’re bullying them. Now we’re back to #2.
Monkey-see, Monkey-do. They’re eyes are bigger than their ears. Lead by example. If you raise the bar, you’re giving them permission to do so as well, and, on a silver platter no less
Put your teacher hat on. It’s the same hat as the stranger hat. Be kind. Be nice. Be firm. Be kind. Treat others as you would have them treat you. We forget this. This includes your children. Remember #4. Lead by example
Be responsible and take ownership of your own behaviour. This takes us back to #1. If you start feeling the hot, the anger, the stress, take a time out. Tell your kids Mommy (Daddy) is taking a time out. Time outs aren’t punishments. In fact, I refrain from ever using that word- there’s no lesson in a punishment. It just hurts everyone. Language is everything, right! If you must, offer a consequence. Remember #5. There are lessons there. Learning opportunities. Remember #2. Excuse yourself for a few minuts to collect your wits. Your children will see this. Go back to #4! collect your wits. Your children will see this. Go back to #4!
Never do angry. Being angry is ok. In fact, it’s a great emotion, but it’s all about learning how to express yourself. Mom, Dad, and child. And you can all learn together, by keeping it together, and knowing when to gently excuse yourself and come back when you’re calmer. Your goals will be met faster too.
Breathe. Your kids look up to you. Your kids love you. Love them back, especially when you can’t. You’ll thank yourself later.
Parenting is tough. We need to broach it as a united front. What other tips can you offer your fellow readers? Feel free to share or comment below.